Dog Love 7

As absurd as it may sound, it appears that many dogs have a certain sense of entitlement when it comes to pooping. Especially urban dogs. These dogs, when they go out for a walk, they know that every time they poop, their person will pick it up, put it in a plastic bag, and carry it to the nearest trash can or until they get back home. They don’t even try to do it discretely in the bushes where no one can see the pile that they leave behind. They do it on bare concrete, where they know they can’t bury it or cover it with leaves and dirt like cats do, for example.

You may say, “how do you know they understand what’s going on?”

And I say, of course they do. They see it happen every day. They are not that stupid. The simple proof is that they never show interest in that bag once it gets filled up with their feces. They choose to ignore it, and they don’t give a damn. If there was a treat in that bag they would have asked for it, I promise you. But there are no treats in that bag, and they know it. So they continue to run around and sniff things and wag their happy tail, while their person is walking around with a bag of warm poop in hand.

They think it's cool to have a human pick up after them. And their people do, too. Without complaining. Like it’s normal. They go out to get some fresh air with their dog, and end up carrying a bag of mushy poop instead of, let’s say, fresh berries they found hanging from a bush. 

Well, maybe not all dogs don’t care. But a good portion of them don’t give it a second thought.

Several years ago when I was visiting my brother in Tel Aviv, I realized that I was putting myself in danger when I was walking the streets of his neighborhood. There were giant landmines the size of Madagascar on the sidewalks, and they were not the kind that maim you. Just smear the bottom of your flip-flops. I had to remind myself every time I left home to watch out for these mounds of puppy poop, or whatever cute name they want to call this stuff, or find myself frantically looking for a patch of grass in that urban desert. I was praying for rain in those days. Then finally, the city decided to join the civilized world and installed plastic bag dispensers in strategic spots and hung signs everywhere telling dog owners that they were expected to clean up after their dogs. I must say that in my last visit I was quite impressed.

But don’t get all smug that here in the U.S. people are more civilized than the infidels of the Middle East, because there is still a lot of room for improvement, even here.

Ask my friend Fadi who shares a sidewalk with a neighbor who manages not to notice the unwrapped presents her dog leaves in front of his door on a regular basis. Fadi, whose family escaped from Beirut during the bloody civil war of the nineteen eighties in search of a peaceful haven, ended up here, where he is greeted by dog poop every time he opens the door. Maybe it is better than sniper fire and car bombs, but hey, don’t we want to make a good impression?

Well, this little old lady, as Fadi describes her, probably doesn’t like to bend down and pick it up, and I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to do it, either. Not even if someone paid me. Walking around with dog poop in a bag is not very sexy. And these days, when I am trying not to be perceived as a little old lady, I’d rather get a tattoo or even walk in high heels than dangle a little plastic bag that screams “dog poop.”

So while I profess admiration for those dog lovers, who don’t let their egos get in the way, and leave their homes with their dogs, knowing that at some point during their walk they will have to bend down and scoop a mound of warm dog poop into a small plastic bag, and never let that humbling experience compromise their love for their dogs, I have to say that I have zero tolerance for the idiots who walk in nature with their dogs, and leave that bag of shit right there, on the side of the trail.

Who in their stupid little brain thinks that leaving a plastic bag filled with dog shit on the side of a nature trail helps the environment or humanity or the wild turkeys and the squirrels who call that trail home? What is wrong with these people? Why don’t they just let it dry in the sun and become compost or whatever?

So while I tell you that I would rather walk in high heels or get a tattoo than scoop dog poop into a bag, I find myself occasionally collecting old green plastic bags filled with what I assume is dried dog shit that were discarded by idiots on the side of the trail where I go to get in touch with nature. Me, the person who would not touch a bag of dog poop if they paid me.

So please, if you ever see anyone leave a plastic doggy bag in nature, tell them to take it home and put it in the trash where it belongs. The squirrels might thank them.

For inspiration check http://www.summitpost.org/phpBB3/doggie-ethics-dog-poop-bags-on-the-side-of-the-trail-t69513.html